That's Nothing - Did I Ever Tell You About The Time...

Bench racing - most of us have heard that term. If you haven't, they are the equivalent (at least half the time, if not more) of "the fish that got away" stories. Some are based from third person legend or lore, some are from personal experience. Some stories are true, others are so far gone, they're not even from this galaxy. It is also a pastime that is partaken in by both males and females.

I can remember back in the mid to late 80's, when 100% stock, off-the-assembly line restorations were all the rage with muscle cars. It used to be a Corvette only deal, but it swept to other makes and models - the rarer the better. Those with deep enough pockets, made every attempt to use correct date-coded NOS parts or even better, the original parts the factory installed on the car. Things got so crazy, that people researched chalk markings, paint daubs, and even the sometimes sloppy fit and finish the factory experienced on the assembly line.

I remember a friend of mine named Terry who restored a rare 1971 Boss 351 Mustang. Did I mention it was an unusual shade of green? His plan was to restore that car as if it just rolled off the assembly line. Down to every last detail. He was fortunate enough to purchase the Mustang 99.8% complete and in incredible original condition. Terry paid a good deal of money for the car, but was lucky it didn't need all that much work restoration wise. He did spend a great deal of time and even more money researching, tracking down, and installing correct NOS parts - mostly small stuff, from a battery to hoses to stickers. The only bummer about the Mustang when Terry purchased it, was the fact it was missing it's original rear spoiler. No problem - he found a correct NOS one... for about the price of a mortgage payment. The spoiler came with the correct mounting studs, but no attaching nuts. Terry spent weeks trying to track down the correct pieces, but to no avail.

When a big national Ford show came to Carlisle PA - Terry was ready. Also by about this time, he almost lost his job, his wife, and family due to the amount of time he was spending on the Mustang. He made it to the fairgrounds, but he had to install a set of incorrect nuts to hold the spoiler on. No matter - the car was done. He was beaming. He was going to sit and chill out. Until this know-it-all geek came along...
Terry had the hood, windows, and trunk lid open. This guy somehow noticed the incorrect attaching nuts for the spoiler - and let Terry know about it. At first, Terry didn't say anything to the guy - he just made a noise like a cat makes when you squeeze it to hard. When geek-boy mentioned the nuts to Terry again, he reached into the trunk and took out the tall tire jack stand (with the notches in it). Terry had this strange look in his eyes when he responded, "Yup, those nuts are incorrect. Which makes the spoiler incorrect."
WHAM! Terry strikes the spoiler with the jack stand and breaks it with a resounding slam. "And since the spoiler is wrong, that means the trunk lid is incorrect!" Another sickening thud hits the air as Terry strikes the Mustang again. Terry was going for a 3rd hit on the car when four of his friends grab Terry, the jack stand, and yell at geek-boy to get out of there as he gazes on in horror, his eyes the size of dishes. After that show, Terry got some counseling and his friends pieced the Mustang back together through various fundraising events. True story, by the way.

Scenarios like this is also one reason why I no longer show any muscle car or hot rod I may own at a certain time. I realize that enthusiasts are trying to establish a connection between you, them, and your car. The problem is, tons of incorrect information usually flow out of their mouths. For example, almost 30 years ago, I owned a 1968 Dodge Dart 2-door. It was originally a 6-cylinder car that I modified. In the end it had a 440 Magnum engine with an automatic. However, it still looked fairly stock to the untrained eye.
I would hear stories about how someones uncle had one "ordered one exactly like it"; but I knew that was impossible. I also heard tales about a 1965 GTO with a hi-performance 401 cid V-8, Hemi 4 speed, and optioned with a rare cowl induction hood - none of which any GTO ever came with. Yes, these are true stories.

I still enjoy NASCAR racing from it's golden years - prior to 1972. However, one of the best Daytona 500's, as well as one of the wildest all time stock car races, occurred on February 15th 1976. After years of misfortune, David Pearson finally won the Daytona 500 in spectacular fashion. On the final lap, Richard Petty led Pearson down the backstretch. Pearson attempted a sling-shot pass, and took the lead into turn three. Petty picked up the draft, and returned the favor in turn 4 to take the lead back. Exiting turn four, the two cars touched, and spun out of control. Both cars slammed into the outside wall, and Pearson spun into the tri-oval infield. Petty continued sliding towards the finish line, and appeared as if he would cross the line spinning backwards. But the car hit a grassy rut, and slid to a stop 50 yards short of the finish line. Pearson refired his wrecked car, and headed for the finish line. Petty's car was stalled, and Pearson idled by to win the race. It is often regarded as the greatest finish in Daytona 500 history. That's another true story.

Back in the late 60's drag racing was full of priceless stories. One I remember in particular was when Ronnie Sox of Plymouth racing fame was asked to "intentionally" lose to his competitor who drove a Chevy. The track owner said "...he was tired of the Mopars and Fords winning all the time. Most of the fans were GM fans. And the fans pay the bills."

Ronnie (and his partner Buddy Martin) were pissed to say the least. As an act of defiance, after both cars staged in their respective lanes and the starting line Christmas tree started it's lighted countdown, Ronnie left on the 1st yellow bulb, (there are three yellow bulbs, then both racers are supposed to leave on the 4th light down the tree, which was green, but is now also yellow). The team of Sox & Martin made it dead-nut obvious to the owner what they thought of the situation. Yeah - you guessed it - another true story. 


Finally, I'll have to relay the story of how this 1958 Thunderbird got into that tree. You'd never believe me if I told you...

Now it's your turn. Until next time, peace out.
Dave